Hello again, world! part 3


So now, it’s been 2 years since I returned to my home country–to my mother’s home–eagerly awaiting for the next opportunity to fly away. Appearances may say otherwise, of course. I feel I have many issues to deal with before I feel confident enough to take such undertaking. Financial issues are, of course, a huge consideration–for this I admire my mother for taking me in, despite of her questions.

I feel like a bird whose wings need mending–something that I feel I need to do in solitude. I imagine the process to be long, but I’ve gone a long way as well. Finally, I see a bit of brightness at the end of this road I’m traversing. There is hope. Do you want to know why I said it?

Because, after a long time, I am starting to miss things–my old life in my adoptive country, my independence, my personal responsibilities, even my sex life… I’m starting to miss going out, getting around, traveling physically or through books… I’ve begun to miss people too.

Ms Fagan said it best: “When you live abroad, you realize that, no matter where you are, you will always be an ex-pat. There will always be a part of you that is far away from its home and is lying dormant until it can breathe and live in full color back in the country where it belongs. To live in a new place is a beautiful, thrilling thing, and it can show you that you can be whoever you want β€” on your own terms. It can give you the gift of freedom, of new beginnings, of curiosity and excitement. But to start over, to get on that plane, doesn’t come without a price. You cannot be in two places at once, and from now on, you will always lay awake on certain nights and think of all the things you’re missing out on back home.”

In the mean time, I will live.

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About the pensive poet

development worker. kasuyo. bugtong na anak. retired drag queen. kalaguyo. kaibigan. future carpenter, bread-maker, or bar-tender. feeling manunulat at makata. borderline obsessive-compulsive. control freak. book worm. isnabero. mahiyain. astang cineaste. aspiring photographer.

Posted on September 21, 2012, in journal and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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